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Displaying items by tag: family

Monday, 19 February 2018 16:27

Adoption Versus Surrogacy

Many people arguing for the moral and social legitimacy of surrogacy will rather recklessly throw out the issue of adoption, believing that the two are quite similar things. But the truth is, they could not be more different. This is especially noticeable when we focus the discussion on children and their wellbeing. The main difference certainly involves the children themselves. In adoption there is a need for children to be looked after, so substitute parents are brought in to look after them. In surrogacy there are no children involved – at first. They are deliberately created, or manufactured, to satisfy adult desires. As one relinquishing mother put it, “In adoption, a family sought a child in need of a family. In surrogacy, you are creating children for adults’ needs.” Moreover, in adoption legislation, the interests of the child are clearly paramount, something which is not the case in surrogacy. As one bioethicist puts it:

Adoption standards and practice have been constantly revised and refined in the light of new understandings developing in the field. . . . It is illegal to take a consent to adoption prior to the birth of the child, for the reason that a woman cannot be expected to make a lifelong decision for herself and her baby in the vacuum of the non-existence of the child.
As Kevin Andrews has remarked: “Adoption is a community response to the necessitous circumstances of a child already conceived and born, which differs markedly to the circumstances of a child conceived and born for the purpose of transfer to another couple”. Ethicist Leon Kass says this: “We practice adoption because there are abandoned children who need good homes. We do not, and would not, encourage people deliberately to generate children for others to adopt.” Or as Maggie Gallagher has put it:
Surrogate contracts and adoptions are not comparable. Adoption is the fulfilment, not the negation, of parental responsibility. Especially in a country where abortion is cheap and easy, when a woman gives her baby up for adoption she has thereby acknowledged her obligations to her child. Almost always, adoption is part of a conscious attempt to do what is best for the child. The surrogate mother does not admit she has any special obligations to her child; she does not admit that it is hers. The child cannot obligate her, she obligates it: It is a product, conceived for sale and use.
David Blankenhorn also adds his voice to the fundamental nature of adoption:
Adoption is a wonderfully pro-child act. Adults respond to a child’s loss with altruistic, healing love. . . . Adoption does not deny but in fact presupposes the importance of natural parents. For this reason, despite all the good it does, adoption is ultimately a derivative and compensatory institution. It is not a stand-alone good, primarily because its existence depends upon prior human loss.
Natural parents of course largely disappear in surrogacy arrangements. Ethicist David VanDrunen discusses the differences found between adoption and surrogacy. He speaks about the moral question we must face as to “whether we ought intentionally to create situations in which biological links between generations are attenuated, confused, or even ruptured. In essence, third-part-parenthood arrangements intentionally create adoption scenarios.” But this is how they differ. Adoption, he says, is “a charitable act that rescues abandoned and orphaned children.” He continues:
Surely it is a charitable act – precisely because we recognise these children’s tragic circumstances. In an ordinary adoption situation the adoptive parents are responding to a child’s tragic situation and seeking to bring good out of it. In a third-party-parent arrangement, however, the parents are creating a child’s tragic situation, a situation in which he will be taken away from his birth mother or be raised by someone other than his biological mother or father.
And Jessica Kerns, a product of surrogacy, whom I mention above, also explains why we are dealing with apples and oranges here:
It really is the buying and selling of babies, and the commodification of women’s bodies. There’s a huge difference between the adoption world and the donor-conceived world. [The] institution [of adoption] was not … created for the parents, to give them a kid. It was created for the opposite, to put children in a home, because they’re here already and we’re responding to a catastrophe. Donor-conceived [children], we’re creating them with the intent of separating them from their biology, and you know … it’s vastly different.
Bioethicist John Ling offers us the big picture on all this, and is well worth quoting from here. He says:
Should we view surrogacy not only as the commissioning mother wanting a child, but also as the surrogate mother – and in law, she is the legal mother – not wanting her child? She has deliberately embarked on a pregnancy with the clear intention that she will abandon her baby. The birth of any child is surrounded by a spectrum of emotions, perhaps none stronger than that of the mother’s love for the child she has carried and delivered. The surrogate knowingly sets out to ignore these natural instincts. Furthermore, can a commissioning mother develop this maternal love without the psychological and physical springs of this bonding, namely, pregnancy and childbirth? Surrogacy is not like adoption. The great difference is that adoption seeks to enhance the love for, and security of, the child. Surrogacy has the long-term, premeditated intention of just the opposite. It should be shunned.
One lobby group, Them Before Us, is quite concerned about this and the other new reproductive technologies. Katy Faust reminds us once more what the core issue is here. It is all about the child. The interests of the child should always be paramount here. As she says in an article highlighting the differences between surrogacy and adoption:
Them Before Us supports adoption, when it is properly understood. Adoption must always be viewed as a child-centric institution, not simply as a means for adults to have children. No adult – heterosexual, homosexual, or single – has a “right” to adopt. Rather, every child has a right to parents. In adoption, the intended parents are not the clients. The child is the client.
Published in IVF & Surrogacy

I have often sought to make the case for concerns about surrogacy. It is problematic on so many levels. Like the other Assisted Reproductive Technologies, our scientific and technological abilities to do things are outstripping and outpacing our moral reflection on them. And in the process, plenty of harm is being done.

Published in Right to Life
Tuesday, 23 January 2018 10:45

The Changing Face of Marriage

It is my pleasure to join a wonderful group to help Australians think about and hopefully challenge some of the trends in this seemingly modern society.

I thought I would start with some comments about marriage, given it was the dominant issue for public policy discussion in 2017 (even if most Australians did not realise the public policy implications).

It is sobering to reflect how quickly one of the fundamental aspects of marriage moved from ‘naturally assumed’ to incidental.

Monday, 15 January 2018 15:18

Danger: The Many Problems with Surrogacy

[Recent news reports coming out of Western Australia about a proposal to legalise surrogacy for homosexuals has again brought to the public attention this contentious issue. These various new technologies are certainly opening up a brave new world which has many experts worried.

Published in IVF & Surrogacy
Wednesday, 29 November 2017 17:32

Mazie's Story: A Journey from Contraception to Life

 I grew up in a very broken very liberal minded home. From my earliest years I knew that I was “the missed pill” as my Mother so eloquently liked to put it. My Mother grew up in the 50’s .... She was very young and had a few dalliances with school boys.. Nothing serious but her father got wind of it and as punishment she was sent away at aged 16 to a school in the City which trained young women to be a nurses. Some of the girls there were in the ‘family way’ and we often wonder if this is what happened to our Mum.

Published in Right to Life
Sunday, 26 November 2017 21:01

The Feminine Genius: Maternity

This post is a part of a Feminine Genius series written by 4 different bloggers, and is the final post of the Marian Virtues Series. You can find the start of the series and the list of articles in the introduction post. If you're not a Catholic, or simply want to find out more about the Feminine Genius, please read the introduction post first. All quotes below are from the encyclical Mulieris Dignitatem, by Pope St. John Paul II.

Tuesday, 21 November 2017 21:35

The Destruction of Freedom in the Name of Freedom

[Photo credit: xT3ddotcom - still taken from video] I had the pleasure of hearing the wonderful Gabriele Kuby speak on her book,  The Global Sexual Revolution,  last weekend. This is the second time I've heard Dr. Kuby speak about her groundbreaking book, which is subtitled, 'The Destruction of Freedom in the Name of Freedom.'  That phrase alone speaks volumes about the gender ideology and sexualised culture that is perverting our children, marriages and family life.

Friday, 10 November 2017 10:05

Our Surrender of Family Planning to God

In 1993 God began to speak to me about taking the Pill. I had been taking the mini-pill since D’s birth in 1983. I loved it - great contraception and the added bonus of no periods.

How secular was my thinking? No thought of God’s plan for my fertility.

Published in Contraception
Wednesday, 25 October 2017 17:57

One Gay Man's Perspective on Traditional Marriage

[Warning: this article contains graphic descriptions of gay sexual activity.]   Why on earth would a same-sex attracted man oppose the proposed SSM amendments to the Marriage Act and choose to suffer the wrath of others in the gay community, who have as a consequence shown themselves to be thoroughly vindictive and accusing? My awareness that I was different emerged at a very young age..  

My Early Years

I always had this feeling of purity and innocence that pervaded my life, something that instilled a very strong moral compass and an acute sense of justice. My mother left a violent and dysfunctional marriage when I was three years old and returned to her country town where I was raised for periods of time by my grandparents and mother's younger sister. I was an angelic child, faired haired, full of grace but hurting knowing that my father was missing, and the environment around me was unstable despite loving relatives stepping in to shelter me for periods of time. I particularly refer to the period when my mother disappeared for some months to conceal the birth of an assumed full blood sister. I enjoyed the doting attention of my grandfather who had sired five daughters, but never been given the gift of a son. I happened to be the first grandchild and a boy. Sadly he passed away at the early age of 49 when I was seven, and I lost the only male influence that I had felt protected by and in whose company I felt emotionally secure.  

He Wasn't My Daddy 

When I was five years old my mother re-connected with a childhood friend and they launched into a relationship that matured into a life-long defacto partnership and between them they gave life to four more children. This man was alien to me. I could not bring myself to call him Dad despite being prompted. I referred to him as Uncle Arthur for many years, and after that whenever I referred to him as dad, the words stuck in my throat. My mother later recounted that although she had many suitors after leaving my father none were prepared to accept the baggage. It had been suggested to her that if she was to adopt me then they could start fresh and raise a family. Fortunately for me and to her credit she was unwilling to barter the life of her first child, to gamble on her own future happiness. Be mindful that this was the 1960s. Women's rights were few, social security did not exist and young unmarried women were frowned upon as virtual contemporary trailer trash. My step father was prepared to start life with a four year old stepson in tow, although he never showed me that he regarded me as equal to his own children and I grew up feeling like a satellite orbiting around this newly constructed family unit. At age six I recall having strong feelings to be held and cuddled by a man. There were other sexual desires within me also that many adults would not attribute to a child so young, and as a result, all of my life it has left me pondering the question of the nature V nurture debate.  

First Homosexual Experiences

My first MM intimate experiences occurred in high school as children my age were negotiating puberty and experimenting somewhat with other friends who were also finding their way. The working class town I grew up in was extremely homophobic, jokes were common and derogatory remarks in reference to some men eg 'poofter' followed by some other offensive name normally attributed to female genitalia consistently heard. No boy growing up in that environment would dare to be honest, and in any event I was still focused upon miraculously being attracted to girls and securely  within marriage, raising a family of my own. At age twelve I was infatuated with a young male teacher after he showed what seemed to be a genuine concern for my welfare. That developed into nights spent sleeping in a bed made up in the back of his vehicle, and me while sustained by his affection, fearful of any further forays into sexual exploration. I would sew up my zipper with a needle and cotton to prevent access. It didn't work. At 18 having found a job and running away from home two years before I had one of the worst confrontations of my life. My mother and stepfather who had come to the city to stay in my small flat while conducting some business, became aware that I had been in a close relationship with another lad my age.  

Rejection

My mothers rage was cyclonic. Her first question being "are you poofters, or what?" Her wrath was extraordinary! Her anger was vicious, saturating the very words which sprang forth almost in an attempt to excuse her of any previous sin in her own life. She targeted my heart with acute precision and culminated the insults by  saying "Your grandfather would be ashamed of you" and "I would rather you be a murderer, anything would be better than that". At 2am in the morning she and my step father loaded the family car, including my three sisters and drove three hours in the middle of the night to my home town. I was abandoned, left in isolation from family for a year, during which time one despairing emotionally charged day I decided to change my name by deed poll. I wanted this to be a catalyst for change, an attempt to find a new foundation upon which to build a new life, a happier more fulfilling life. This period saw attempts to educate myself by re-enrolling in courses to complete my secondary education and open doors into a future professional career. I finally started a career in teaching aged 30 but interspersed with study and work was exposure to gay society in the city's gay pubs. In my heart I wanted to meet a lifelong companion, a best friend, partner, confidante, lover. The dream of the cat, the dog and white picket fence filled my reason for living and gave hope for a fulfilling future yet to be realised. What I found in gay society appalled me. The lack of commitment beyond the first few months, the acceptance of casual sex, the desire for 'beat' sex in public toilets and the promotion of open multi partner relationships.  

The Truth about the Gay Lifestyle

The community itself was destructive, even if you found a possible partner there was no real support. Always someone on the prowl trying to split you and your new partner, as if in conquest and a new notch in the belt, the self esteem of the victor would be enhanced. In Melbourne, Sydney and Adelaide, gay saunas - sex houses -  established and became venues where disease was spread, young men preyed upon, and married men seeking sex with other men concealed their true identities. In these places sexual appetites were catered for, group sex 'orgy' rooms were promoted in gay lifestyle publications, and sling rooms made available to cater for psychologically suspect individuals who wanted the insertion of successive penises. In the last week in a casual sex site (Craigs List) a male was advertising for men to attend the sauna where he would be waiting in the sling room.. legs apart and where prospective partners could freely abuse his anus with a fist and arm up to the elbow. Photographs of his gaping receptive hole accompanied the advertisement.  

Waving the Rainbow Flag

I fully realise that descriptions of this kind are unpalatable and to some repulsive, but to equip ourselves with accurate information is the best defence against highly organised claims for equality and justice which are in effect a licence to perpetuate the kinds of behaviour I have referred to in this article. Sadly the Rainbow coalition has stolen the agenda and misrepresented the values that perpetuate a very promiscuous and self serving community. I feel resentful that without consultation all same sex attracted people like myself have been lumped into a hotch potch band of misfits and Gay Pride invoked and intentionally labelled under the LGBTQI banner. Some choose to adopt the label with pride and wave the rainbow flag demanding even greater rights, the right for three-way polygamous marriage, the right for gender fluidity where drag becomes the daily norm. Fringe behaviour is pushed in the faces of the majority, cross-dressing becomes normal rather than being confined to incidental night time entertainment in the bars and clubs of seedy drug-promoting establishments.  

So Much To Lose

There is no doubt in my mind that young people need to be protected in schools and that the mental health of adolescents needs to be a focus of education authorities, but these goals can be achieved through anti bullying initiatives and inclusive school cultures. It is simply dangerous to dance with radical gay rights groups, including powerful academics, promoting the total acceptance of gender fluidity and the abandonment of traditional marriage. In the words of the five year old boy introduced to you in this article,  "Where is my daddy?  I need the love and fatherly embrace of my dad." We should never ever neglect the rights of children to have the love and nurturing of two opposite gender parents. The accusations and claims for adult rights from the gay community are simply stunning. Love is not Love when the rights of children are completely over-ruled by the selfish self absorbed demands of individuals who choose not to think about the consequences of their demands upon society. There is little to be gained by sanctioning same sex marriage and so much to lose including the hope of people young and old, to travel the road of life supported by constructive fulfilling, traditional, family structures. 

Published in Gender Mainstreaming
Monday, 09 October 2017 09:25

Marriage and History

The current marriage wars are so very odd for so many reasons. Until just recently the ideological left was vigorously insisting that marriage is just a piece of paper; that marriage is an oppressive and outdated institution; and that marriage is artificial – a relatively recent social construct. Today however the left in general and the homosexual activists in particular are demanding the right to marriage, claiming it is the most important thing there is. So which is it? Is it just a waste of time or is it a necessity? Of course we know the answer to this already. Marriage has never really been wanted by most homosexuals, and it is only the symbolic effect – plus the power and control that goes with it – that they seek through the redefinition – and thus destruction – of marriage. But all that I have documented in great detail elsewhere. But let me look more closely at just one of the charges thrown around by the marriage attackers – at least up until recently. The claim that marriage and family are relatively recent inventions – often claimed to have originated in the US in the 1950s! – deserves a response.

Published in Marriage
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