“Do You Really Want to Do This?”
My name is Nancy and I am the 46 year old mum of my beautiful 18 month old daughter, Ava, who was born in August, 2011. (Ava is now 6 years old.) I had two daughters, 10 and 7 years, when I ended my third pregnancy. I was coerced by my partner, who made it clear that he was not committed to me and was not sure about our future together. Unsure of what to do, I was offered counselling at the hospital, but it in no way assisted me to keep my baby. I received no information about the development of my baby and pregnancy and was not offered any other option. The counsellor just sat there listening to me talk about how I didn’t know what to do. Although I was obviously distraught, she did nothing, other than to say that after a termination I would feel better. “BETTER”??!! It’s been 13 years and I feel cheated that I know nothing about my baby – I don’t even have a picture.
No one cared enough to help me or my baby! My life changed from that day, I just wasn’t the same person anymore. I was not informed that I could suffer long term depression and anxiety, which has negatively impacted on my quality of life – on my marriage, family and fertility. After two more years with my second partner, we married, and were delighted to have a planned pregnancy. Our obstetrician informed us of all the risks and we had all the routine tests done. We were devastated to learn that our baby had Down Syndrome and I was again coerced by my husband and doctor to terminate – all I remember is them again telling me it was for the best. The doctor said that the procedure would be a curette. I was not given any time to think about what I wanted – to let this information sink in. Again I felt pressured and hurried into aborting my baby. I was 14 weeks pregnant. I was so devastated words cannot explain. Since then I have learned that, at 14 weeks, my baby was not just a “bunch of cells”, (which abortion providers say to make it easier). My child had a heartbeat, fingers and toes! After my second abortion, I suffered from infertility for years, I went on to have three miscarriages and my depression worsened, resulting in the collapse of my second marriage. No one understands the depression that sets in – I have cried silently for years, because I couldn’t talk about it and because of the pain I felt when I saw babies and pregnant women.
Amidst all the despair I felt, I conceived a child in 2011 – an unplanned pregnancy and again, I was not in an ideal situation. And again I was being forced by the baby’s father to terminate . He reminded me that he had said from the start he didn’t want any more children. He became very abusive & violent. I was in quite a state and very confused, so I booked to terminate, this time because I thought an abortion would stop his angry outbursts. I agonized about going, but headed off to go again. But when I stepped out of the taxi, I was gently approached by an older lady who handed me a brochure . Her only words where “Do you really want to do this?” I burst into tears and said “No!”.
I was comforted and counselled by them and they put me in touch with a lady from Right to Life Australia. I went on to keep my baby, but it became necessary to get an intervention order on the baby’s father. If not for the pro-life advocates outside that abortion clinic that day and the advice they offered about other options, I would also have ended that pregnancy – and my beautiful daughter would not be here today. People speak negatively about the “protesters” at the front of abortion clinics – but these lovely people saved me and my baby. They genuinely helped me pre- and post-birth and dedicated their time and care so generously. I’m so glad they were there for me! I still suffer some grief and believe I will always be this way because you cannot erase the hurt caused by abortion.
But my baby Ava is like a special gift from the heavens. Words cannot explain how protective I have become of her from that traumatic time until now . I try so hard to overlook all the grief and problems and just enjoy every experience with her. I have enjoyed every single moment of my precious child that I was blessed with. She is a gift of total love! Ava makes me a better person – she is my sunshine!